There’s one thing that instantly lowers resistance in high stakes conversations.

Most people try to fix tension with logic or empathy. 

But that’s not why people resist. 

In high-stakes conversations, most people default to logic.

• They offer context

• Reassure the other person

• Try to “keep it constructive.”

They assume resistance comes from confusion, misalignment, or lack of maturity.

It Does Not!

Resistance almost always comes from one thing: 

The other person doesn’t feel seen.

When conversations turn tense, most people slip into one of these three default modes:

1. Fixing Mode: 

• You jump in to solve the issue. It’s logical, efficient, and… completely mistuned to how they’re feeling.

2. Framing Mode: 

• You reword, repackage, or reposition your point to make it more palatable. 

• This is often confused for empathy, but it’s still a control move.

3. Recognition Mode:

• You name what’s real. 

• Not to agree or soften, just to hold the moment steady.

"That hit a nerve"

"You weren't expecting that"

"You're trying to hold a lot and I see it"

Recognition Mode isn’t soft. 

It’s just honest. And that’s why it works.

It's a strategic move!

Most resistance isn’t logical, it’s protective.

When someone doesn’t feel recognized, they self-protect through:

• Passive resistance

• Delayed follow-through

• Surface-level agreement

• Stonewalling or deflection

And when people miss that, they pay for it downstream:

• Projects slow down

• Trust fractures quietly

• People disengage while nodding

Recognition isn't emotional coddling. It's risk prevention!

Try this. Test it in one conversation.

Before your next difficult interaction, whether it’s feedback, escalation, or pushback.

Pause and ask:

• “What emotional reality am I skipping past here?”

• “What’s the thing they’re not saying, but clearly feeling?”

• “Can I name it in a grounded, unthreatening way?”

Then try a sentence like:

• “Let’s just name this for a second - I think this hit harder than we expected.”

• “This isn’t easy to talk about, and I get that.”

No big speech. 

No clever tactic. 

Just a simple act of recognition.

That’s what lowers resistance. And that’s what opens the actual conversation.

When someone doesn't feel seen, they wont hear you

No matter how reasonable you are!

I'll leave you to reflect on this and see you next edition.

Your Apex Negotiator,

Scott