Trust made the dispute worse.

Trust often hides hidden pockets of distrust until a dispute exposes them.

Last week, I was speaking on a panel about dispute resolution

A room full of lawyers, procurement directors, and contract managers.

And the very first question came to me:

“Why do disputes still cause so much damage… even when both sides trust each other?”

It’s a good question.

Because we’ve all seen it happen.

Projects going well.

Relationship feels strong.

Then one disagreement lands,

and everything fractures

“Because not all trust protects you. Some of it actually makes things worse.”

Sounds strange, I know.

But I’ve seen this play out in billion dollar deals, internal teams, long-term partnerships.

Every time, it’s the same dynamic

There was trust.

But it was the wrong kind.

Or it wasn’t built to survive pressure

Let’s unpack that here

Most people think trust is one thing. But it’s not.

There are layers of trust. And each one handles conflict differently:

• Competence trust - “They’ll do the job well” → Usually survives conflict.

• Goodwill trust- “They have our best interests at heart” → Deepest, but most fragile.

• Contractual trust - “They’ll stick to the deal” → Can be rebuilt

• Emotional trust- “We’ve been through things together” → Takes the longest to repair.

• Surface-level trust- “We’ve never had a problem” → False sense of safety.

Now imagine a partnership built mostly on goodwill.

Then a dispute hits.

Suddenly, intentions are questioned.

And it doesn’t just feel like a mistake, it feels like betrayal.

That’s the trust–dispute paradox:

The deeper the trust, the harder the hit, if it was never built for tension

Often, what makes it worse is

• Control disguised as collaboration

  Heavy documentation. Checklists. Oversight.

  Looks like alignment. Often signals a lack of trust

• Power imbalance

  One side “trusts” the process.

  The other side feels trapped by it.

• Silence before the storm

  No signs of trouble. No space to speak up.

  Then conflict hits, and everything comes out at once

We should aim to build trust that survives disputes

Not by being “nicer.”

And not by avoiding conflict.

Instead, build it with tension in mind.

Here’s what that looks like:

• Make it safe to speak up

  Psychological safety isn’t soft. It’s structural.

  People need to feel safe raising issues early, without fearing it’ll be used against them later.

• Don’t just track delivery. Track relationship health

  Use informal check-ins, feedback loops, and pulse surveys.

  You can’t fix what you don’t know.

• Design contracts for collaboration

  Contracts should lay out how to resolve friction, not just prevent it.

  How to course-correct, not just how to penalise.

• Expect tension

  Say it out loud:

  We’re aligned now. But if things change, let’s have the kind of relationship that can absorb it.”

  That’s professional trust.

  Built on truth, not comfort.

And when conflict does happen

Here's what recovery looks like:

• Don’t explain it away. Acknowledge the hit.

• Let everyone speak, facts and feelings.

• Focus on repair, not blame

• Fix the process, not just the people.

Because if you handle the dispute well?

The relationship doesn’t just survive.

It deepens.

Disputes don’t always reveal a lack of trust.

They reveal the kind of trust you actually had

Most relationships break because they were never built to hold tension.

The trust was real. But it wasn’t resilient.

So don’t ask: “Do we trust each other?”

Ask: “What happens when that trust is tested?”

That’s the trust that lasts.